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Breaking changes

6 days ago my girlfriend and I broke up.

We have discussed it multiple times before and so it came as little surprise.
Neither of us shed much tears that day and so I felt like "ok this is going to be easy".
Well it was. Until it wasn't.

The words that we spoke just didn't feel real at first.
I just couldn't wrap my head around

  1. that this was actually going to happen
  2. what that would actually mean for me - mean for us.

As days went by I slowly started to realise it and I also started feeling sad.
But not just because it was over but mainly because of how easily we seamed to deal with it.

Why didn't it feel more devastating? Why weren't there more tears involved?
After all we spend the last 3 ½ years together.
And that's it? Both just accepting the situation without a fight?

So I decided to pay our passing relationship the respect that it deserved.
I decided to remember.

Remembering

I remembered us moving into our flat together. Living together with someone for the first time. Building a home together. The excitement we felt. How happy we were.

I remembered new year's eve in Paris. Exploring the city together. Buying obligatory baguette. The nice little bistro we had dinner in.

I remembered our road trip. Probably the best holiday I had with anyone. Seeing all those places together. Hiking together. Cooking together on our small gas stove.

I remembered us randomly watching videos about bonsai and fine art restoration together. Noticing that we somehow both liked it and how weird we actually were.

I remembered us visiting the local bonsai museum together. (yes, for real)

I remembered deciding to adopt a cat together. How we were so determined not to rush it and how we still fell in love with a little kitten on the first sight. Giving her a home, seeing her grow, loving her together, caring for her together.

I remembered us growing random fruit seeds together. Being totally overwhelmed by all of them actually growing.

I remembered her smile, her cuteness, the fun we had together.

I remembered why we fell in love.

Remembering all of those things broke my heart and it still does.
But it felt so good to finally feel that way.

Thank you

This text is not to get her back, this is just to say thank you.

Thank you for the good times.
Thank you for always listening to me when I was feeling bad.
Thank you for being my companion for so long.

I wish we could have made this work but it looks like we couldn't.

Goodbye my girl.

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