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Emptyness

Death is very likely the single best invention of Life.

jeremy-perkins-uhjiu8FjnsQ-unsplash.jpg Photo by Jeremy Perkins on Unsplash

Death

Thinking about my own death and the fact that one day all of this will be over is overwhelming for me 10 out of 10 times. It gives me a feeling of helplessness, even panic, followed by a never ending downwards spiral of thoughts.

This can't be true
Yes it is
No it can't
Well yes ...

In these situations I just have to stop myself from thinking. I need to get up, turn the lights on and walk around in the room for a bit. This always stops the thought spiral from spiralling any further.

So how can anyone call this terrible experience "the single best invention in Life"? Well, I get it.

Disillusion

For me it's not about that experience but about what stays after this experience is gone: pure emptiness and disillusion.
Again, not something most people would consider to be something you would long for. But it's actually not that bad.
All of life's illusions are suddenly wiped away. All expectations of myself, all fake cravings, all fake goals - they just disappear.

The emptiness that follows is one of pure focus, not one of sadness.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Now let's be clear: My experience does not even come close to what it must feel like when you are presented with such a terrible and life altering diagnosis as Mr. Jobs was.

Yet I think I get it.